In Society we can feel so alone. There is a place we can go to that makes us feel safe. For most of us it is not physical, but can feel so real we don't want to leave it. We find ourselves getting lost in the walls we have built for our safety.The greatest moments (and normally the scariest) are when we can let someone into our sanctuaries.Take a look through my stained glass past the masquerade at midnight.These are the inside of my walls. I just pray they move you to build your own Stained Glass Windows inside your sanctuaries. Follow MelodyAWriter on Twitter
The Field of Dreams

I was thinking today about the freedom our dreams give us. It’s the reason some days are harder to get out of bed than others. It’s a great escape from out realities to wander around in the beautiful dreams we make.

We take along time to tend to it and care for it. Its beauty inspires us and keeps us going even in the darkest of Winters. We believe that to be freedom from everything. The troubles, cares, and people who disappoint us everyday. There is freedom there. We can’t seem to imagine freedom in any greater form than what the field of dreams gives us.

The path to freedom goes beyond the field of your dreams, and I feel people fail to realize that. It’s easy to have awesome ideas and dreams, but you have to do something about them. If not you’ll be stuck wandering around in that field forever.

As much as we want freedom, we are just that afraid of it.

That’s why people get stuck in the field and never get to truly experience it. The scenario reminds me of Dorthy and her friends off to the Emerald City. They loose sight of their true desires in a beautiful field of poppies. They almost don’t make it until they get a wake up call. That’s when they realized they were peaceful and happy, but it still wasn’t close to what was outside of that field.

It’s hard to find the motivation to get through the field. To take a chance and some focus to get to what will really make you happy, but there is no harm in trying. The field will survive even the coldest winters. Don’t wait till it slowly starts to whither to consider moving on. Take the memory of it’s beauty with you as you go.

It’s harder and harder to get out of bed lately. Realty is so far from that beautiful field, that the closest thing I can get is snuggling in between sheets and hoping that I can stay there and that my problems will go away.

My reality will never be where I want it to be if I don’t do something to get through this field. Community is an important element in getting out of the field. Dorthy couldn’t do it alone, and neither can I.

I am inspired to act after reading a quote that  my buddy Carli just posted.

“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I’m not going to make it, but you laugh inside — remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.” - Charles Bukowski

If you think the field of dreams is beautiful I encourage you to take a step on the path to true freedom, that is more beautiful than you could imagine.

A Confession from the Masquerade

Have you ever been in the middle of a conversation with someone and they would just stop paying attention? Angry Birds, Words with Friends, and Facebook updates were more important than what we were talking about.

Somewhere along the way we have made it socially acceptable to be rude. It’s a growing concern of mine, and I am ashamed that we allow this. Funny videos and the entertainment on the internet is great to partake in and share, but not a substitute for genuine social interaction.

Don’t get me wrong. I love spending time with myself and getting lost in my imagination. That is good fun for the soul. You need to be able to enjoy being with yourself in order to enjoy being with others too. We couldn’t have possibly lost all capability of human interaction after the invention of the ipod. It’s like we don’t even bother wanting to get to know someone unless their is a benefit.

Maybe I’m just crazy? It’s so tiring to hear people say that they want to get to know you and connect with you, but don’t care enough about it to take the steps themselves. Self entertainment should not be done at the expense of our integrity.

I am so tired of battling with the internet and people’s phones just to hold a conversation, or feel a connection in the spirit of “Hey, what’s your story? Who are you?” People are a curious element to me, and I enjoy exploring that and getting to know them. We take having people in our lives for granted.  Other people feel the same and we tend to blame technology, and what it is doing in our culture.

No.

It’s time we took responsibility and blamed ourselves, or even better do something about it. Every person has the capability to take back their integrity if they really want to.

Personal interactions that don’t involve twitter and facebook are so simple and more intimate than they were 10 years ago. We decided that the only people we want to have those experiences with are the ones who can give us something back. If you can’t make us feel good about ourselves (or whatever else falling in love seems to do), than you are not worth a coffee chat or a phone call.

If you ever find a trend that someone is:

  • Constantly bailing on you
  • Not responding to phone calls or text at all/ in a timely fashion
  • Never take the first step in any sort of plans
  • Not attentive in conversations or any other interaction

Then they are subliminally telling you that you are not a priority to them.

It’s a heard reality of growing up, that you have to put people in those categories. It’s a necessity to function in life. If there were a way to make everyone a priority then the human condition wouldn’t involve so much selfishness.

Priorities are a slam against our integrity when we lie about who someone is to us. We also need to be honest with ourselves and realize that we will never be a priority to certain people. No matter how hard we try.

The responsibility goes both ways. If someone really matters to you talk about it with them (in person). Put the excuses aside and be honest.

This rant might sound pretty frustrated, but it actually comes from a positive place. People no longer disappoint me in this area, because I’ve recognized what I really mean to them. I focus more now on those worth my time, and on what it means to hold to my integrity even when I have stuff to get done.

ReBirth Funding Project Success!

I am so happy to announce that the funding for my friends film reBirth succeeded!

Thank you all so much for following me with this project and supporting the creativity and inspiration this idea stands for.

If you were able to donate. Awesome!

If you helped spread the word. Awesome!

Whatever you did worked and now there is a very good chance that one more awesome movie can happen! The writer of reBirth has amazing talent. I am positive that none of us will be disappointed with the outcome.

As for me. I don’t think I’m done with this project. I might have started something with this. I am afraid of a lot of things and will continue to explore those fears in this section of my blog. I also want to keep people up to date with what’s going on with the film.

For a writer, there is a lot of work that goes into to creating your work. The scariest and hardest part is seeing it come to life, and trying to make it happen. It’s a scary and exciting time, but anything that matters comes to this point. I have a lot of hope for what this could turn out to be, and I can’t wait to take you along for the ride.

When I Think to Much and go on About Nonsense

One day I would hope to be a writer with more to say than just what is on her mind. To be the kind of person who can let a pen (or keyboard) say what I need it to and not just what I want it to be.

Some things can’t just happen out of anywhere. It all starts with a moment recognized for what it really was. What it really meant. Those are the things you can’t force, but plunge from some part of you that may never make sense.

I worry that I write to cryptic. Way over people’s heads. I wish everyone could enjoy what I put out there. I guess it’s just not meant for everyone to understand. It just happens and makes sense. It’s kind of like God, Alice in Wonderland, and all those other things that make perfect sense in some mysterious way.

One day the mysteries of inspiration will cease to haunt me, but if it never comes I could live with it. Fully excepting it is another matter. Still, I can stand to live with that truth for now. There is a fear in there somewhere that if I except it, then the allure of figuring it out will die.

Then what would I be?

Dark Waters

So the Rebirth Film Project is almost over and so close to their goal! Thanks for all of the support!

I was thinking again about another fear that I have. This is a weird one because it is actually one of my favorite things at the same time.

Water.

I don’t know why, but I am obsessed with H2O! Nothing is more relaxing or beautiful to me than water. I drink it like a fish and just love standing and sitting in it. It’s a big reason why I love the beach, and why I enjoy warm weather so much.

The thing is I’m not a strong swimmer. I used to do it occasionally when I was younger, but for some reason as I got older I was terrified to be anywhere over my head. This fear grew after Hurricane Katrina, and could very well be linked to that traumatic period of my life. 

It was a fear that pushed through for many reasons that I just didn’t understand. Through pushing through my fears I started to learn why my favorite element was one of my worst fears.

Memento Mori , it’s a latin phrase that means remember your mortality. During that stage in my life the reality of my human weakness was hitting me hard. I never really thought about being afraid to die before. It was something going on subconsciously that I constantly pushed away.I had something more important going on, or I just didn’t want to think about it. It wasn’t even necessarily my fear of death, as in not being anymore. It was more of the act of dieing.

Looking back I can see that I was afraid I wouldn’t have the fight left in me and give in to that dark side of my humanity.

Mortality is a fresh fear for me. It’s a victory everyday and I enjoy pushing past those fears to take in the full experience of being alive. Everyone has some sort of struggle with humanity. We deal with it every single day whether we admit that to ourselves or not. You can choose to fear it or accept it for what it is and get the most out of it.

Just so you know I love being in water now. I still don’t feel that comfortable swimming, but I’m not as afraid of the deep end as I once was.

Rebirth Project: Are You Afriad of the Dark?

I used to be afraid that there was a monster in my closet, thus I was scared of the dark. Looking back I saw that I was really scared of someone/thing hurting me.

I was a quite kid who lived in her own world. I kept my life bundled in in itself, like I did in safety under the covers in my bedroom.

I got tired of being a shut in from what was really going on out there. My curiosity randomly grew about other people and their experiences. As I grew up and overcame my fear of the dark I discovered I was a lot more out going, and that curiosity of others has stayed strong in my personality. I’m just not as obvious about it anymore.

I started taking more chances and trusting people. The world really opened up for me. I had no idea how my fears were holding me back until I put myself out there. It was the easiest fear to overcome. I wish the rest would have been that simple.

The Importance of Fear

The relationship between our fears and our humanity is very fascinating. Our fears are hidden away in the corners of of mind. They make us uncomfortable, because we are most vulnerable when we are exposed to them.

The most intrguing  analysis I’ve made over the years is that we strive to eliminate fear from our lives, but we desperately need it at the same time.

Even the bravest person has something to be afraid of. If they say they aren’t afriad of anything, then are a liar or a sociopath.

What lurk in the corners of the psyche hold a lot of meaning behind the lines in our stories. Embracing our fears are not easy, but so much strength can come from them.

Over the next few days I am going to blog about those fears in support for a film project that I believe in. It’s called reBirth and I want this film to have a chance to live. Movies like this deserve to exist and every dollar can make a difference.

Follow the rebirth project and my thoughts on fear on the reBirth Project Page

Don’t be afraid to share your fears with me no matter how big or small. Fear is probably the most real emotion for anyone. It is something we can relate to even more than our pain and our joy.

Our fears say a lot about who we were, but do not define us. They help us understand who we are now and who we want to be. Where I’m going with this may be uncomfortable, but the end justifies the means.

The bravest person is not the one who isn’t afraid. It is the person who does not let it stand in their way.

-Austin Grey

Thoughts…

I decided to just let myself type whatever came to mind.

movie camera’s in the moon lilght stars in the day light shine brighterthan before. The Sunday paper pulling st my heart strings. Where has the love gone bright?

Here my heart goes on in dismay. Smile till your teeth fall after midnight in the air has gone out. Bunnies in flowered fileds keep my shoes walking and head in the clouds.

Where have all the good men gone.

These errors are after the masquerade is over to the stage we take our soul. This is the blank woopsiy daisy world that we’ve wondered about since childhood. Here where our heart lies.

to this day my daily bread breaks in pieces and hold more nourishment than crumbs of kings.

In the soul we write what we can not say until the moment birds fly out into the fields of young amongst the land of old. Day, night, wrong, right into the fields I go. Dancing with dolls in the sun till we are all called home.

Here lives hope where faith lies hard. Our minds are the most terrible thing to waste.

You have zero errors today. I know tomorrow I will have more than to count. Perfection in the feather lies the freedom of it all. Anna and Mia you were my only friend and now I hate you. Still I care about you in the strangest ways.

Welcome to my life the great comedic tragedy. You are a weird and funny thing. I am so grateful for the laughter. Banter is my life.

Placid gile. Whatever that means. escape to the world where dreams meet reality. the fairytales are all we have left to help hold on.

I believe in fairytales that last past midnight and masquerades where bunnies lie still. The art is in the making and the music keeps the flow of the beat. beat beat beat beat.

beat beat beat

beat beat beat beat

These are the stars. These are the moements that we’ve waited for. Take them for what they are and take the chances that will change your life.

fight to keep them going and keep this star blue. Keep the world in roses and make life shine brand new.

This doesn’t make sense to the street of man, but to the ohearts uot there will see what to say. From sea to shining sea. we smile. in peace our hands raise singing glory of the highest praise.

Through life we will go on. Be the recognized heart to strong for what it takes away from this. Let my heart shine strong in the hour of dusk and twilight.

keep the faith and stay alive to breathe the air. Breathe the peace. Breathe

Breathe.

breathe.

breahte

breath

this is a risk to take no matter what else happenes to the day.

diem carpe

momento mori

latin is a language i wish i could speak so i could know that this is the start of a beautiful thing. No cliche just here is me.

Wow that was random if I ever thought enough to think about it. That was also harder than I thought because you have to try and keep typos to a minimum. I think I might do this at least once a week. Just to see what’s gonig on in my head.

The Year so far..

I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve blogged something. It’s pretty easy to get caught up in the business of everything lately. A lot has gone on, some of them are great successes and others were disappointing.

Despite it all I am to happy to finally feel like I am living again.

I really kept to my hope for this year alive. I fell like I am acting more than thinking and dreaming. In the past I would see life as a noun. It was just something there to contemplate and dream about.

At heart I will always be a dreamer. That hopefully will always stay with me somewhere in my own little world.

Somewhere along the line I forgot that there is an action to life. I was hindered in my endeavors for so long. I decided to reside in that state and figure things out. I don’t want to get stuck there in that state.

Now I really desire to focus on the act!

Act on my relationships.

Act on my dreams.

Act on the truths I have discovered.

Maybe that’s why I haven’t blogged in awhile. I’ve been out there living. That balance is hard to find, but I’m getting better at it everyday in little ways here and there. I take more time for myself so I don’t get burned out, but I also really reach out to people in my life, and to do things with them.

Recently a friend and I spent all of Thursday night helping with the "Renee Film Project". We had a lot of fun working as extras. We met some really awesome people in between shots and also enjoyed the great performances of Paper Route and Between the Trees.

The team there was really grateful for everyone’s help, and it was good to feel appreciated and loved. It was great seeing the making of this story. I can only hope for this project to continue to be a great success and touch more people everyday.

It was that night that I really started thinking about how far I’ve come in my own struggles. I can only hold as much hope for my future as I can for the desire to be an example of love out there.

Drowning in the Complexity of Black Swan

Black Swan where to begin. I can’t get this movie out of my head for so many reasons.

Frailty

I love stories of frailty, and that’s the basis of the entire movie. There aren’t a lot of movies that can depict the frailty of the human condition correctly. I think this one hits it dead on.

Perfectionism

Very few people can depict the humanity and stress of being a true perfectionist. Most just write it off as an immature expectation, but this movie shows how it really is something carved into our brains that grows like a cancer.

The only thing that is holding you back is yourself…

It’s the main line in the film and it is ironically suppose to help the main character to release her full potential. In my experience it’s also the line that makes the cancer grow into something even more terrifying. 

The movie really gives you a peak into that evolution of the humanity that lies beneath the surface of so many people. It’s in all of us to some extent, which gives reason to why the movie is so popular.

I still haven’t decided if my obsessions with this movie is a good sign or a bad sign. Movies that are a testament to something so real just can’t float to the back of the mind so easily. When I see it I fell like I’m drowning in deep water, and get lost in it’s complexity. I saw a quote on Resca’s Blog

Sometimes it’s nice to get lost every once in awhile. 

This obsession is mainly fueled by the idea of getting lost in the complexity of human frailty. Drowning in complexity makes me question a lot of things, but also discover new truths about life and everything that it entails. 

→ A Story for every Butler Bulldog out there...We miss you John.

It took planting the idea in a lot of people, but I’m happy that the movement finally reached Butler. I’m sad It happened right after I left, but at least I was able to make one good thing happen before I left. John Burton your memory will stay with me forever.

Joyeux Noël: Christmas in Montreal

Typing on a Frech keyboard is not as easy as I thought it would be. So, please bare with me.

This city is very beautiful and I have to say I love this country. Visiting with old friends is always a plus, but discovering new things with them is even better.

The longer I stay here in Canada the more of the writer in me shows. I have stopped writing about this place since I have gotten here. It a little over whelming how many ideas have hit me.

I have done so many random things and so many big things. The Bascilla Notre Dame will always stay with me, and I`m pretty sure all other churches will never be as beautiful as that place, even if you shouldn`t have to pay for visit a sanctuary.

The hostel we are staying in is so cute and has clearly survived on the hopes and ambition of so many travelers. I hope that when I return to the states, which I am very anxious to do I will see its own beauty. Just like this city that takes my breathe away each time I walk out the hostel door.

I love Canada, but I have to say that I really love home to. I can`t wait to go back with new insight and some more Frech Vocabulary. It was time for a trip, but my travel bug is fullfilled for awhile. Now I want to be like Dorthy Gale and make it back to Kansas.

I am happy to spend such a beautiful season in such a beautiful place. My only Christmas wish for all of you tonight is that you feel you are in a beautiful place too on this Holy Night.

Joyeux Noël(Merry Christmas)…and Happy Birthday Jesus!