What I think about in my Insomniac state.
This city is my city, and Iove it! Yeah I love it! (Taken with instagram)
Today is Self Injury Awareness Day. We remember those who struggle and those who are healing.
Today I found what I needed by the sea. (Taken with Instagram at Patrick Air Force Base North Beach)
There are still beautiful thoughts worth believing in…
I’ve had this craving to go into the woods and find something. Some part of myself that I don’t quite understand. I want to trade the daily noise and chaos for a more solid foundation. Something about the most basic elements are growing in fascination.
Recently I’ve discovered others are feeling the same. I’ve been seeing a lot of things referencing Mother Natures appeal. The one I am most excited about is Erwin McMannus’ Signs film series. It looks breathtaking. I cold use a nice tool for this season in my life.
Is life getting that noisy that others see it too? It feels good that people are talking about these things as well. I thought I had to go at this alone to find what I needed. I’m starting to think I was wrong. It feels good to be wrong.
Mental Detox
It’s time for a music fast. I know that sounds absurd and scary. It’s a drastic measure that must be taken. I can’t properly go through a mental detox with songs stuck in my head. Music isn’t the escape it use to be for me, like in my teenage years. If anything, it keeps me connected with the characters in my story. It doesn’t surprise me how it has become more of a chain to my realities, versus transportation to my daydreams.
I need things to get clear, and fast. There are to many ideas and stories that are counting on my brain to work in a more productive cycle. The endless adrenaline is draining me past the exhaustion point.
I figured I would start with a single day. I’m hoping I can go three total, so that the silence can take full effect. But it all starts with a tranquil moment. A day without music isn’t something I am dreading, but welcoming. The sound of silence can finally be acknowledged and less distracting. It’ll be weird, but I’m not scared.
Music is a beautiful creation that man has harnessed. It’s time to remember that we were made to enjoy the silence just as well.
Confessions of an Athlete
Here is a very old blog off of my myspace from 2007. So much fueled my writing then. It’s something I hope to never loose.
Speed
Speed is a very interesting thing. For some it’s natural, but for me it’s not. I worked for it until it became a part of me. I eventually learned that there are two ways people run.1. Some run towards the finish line.
2. Others, like me, run away and crash into it.
It’s why I can’t stnad running. No matter how hard I runaway from the begining I still end up where I started in the end.
Speed just happens now…
It’s that part of me that I can’t hold back.It’s that part of me that just flows. It’s the thing I crave for in that moment. I don’t have to think about it. There’s nothing for me to focus on. I just do it. I just let it flow….
No encouragment is needed.
No critisism can touch it.
No words can effect it.
Time and words don’t play a role in my desire for speed.
It just flows…
That’s the one thing I love about running.
It’s just me, speed, and that desire.
I run without looking back.
I always look forward. I look forward at where I started, which is where I must finish. It’s my only competition, and it catches me every single time…
The wall of reality hits me hard when I collide with that line, and there’s no more speed. There’s just me.
I hate the end just as much as I hate the begining. It means I have to stop running away. The end means I have to do it again, either now or later. Sooner or later I runaway again, with just me, speed, and that desire. I have to runaway again with all the scorn I have for it. I runaway again and pray that moment comes when I forget what I’m doing. I forget that I’m running away from that inevitable moment when the begining and the end collide, and I’m left alone with silence.
People have always tried to understand my speed. They always try and catch me. Maybe someday someone will catch me, and maybe someday I’ll stop running away. It hasn’t happened yet. It’ll be intresting to find out what will happen if they ever do occur. One thing I am sure is that I will always desire that moment of speed. The moment of forgetfullness. Speed will always just flow…..
Here we go again to run another race. If you could catch me I may forget to runaway. We can run in stride together, perhaps? But I need you to catch me first…
I dare you…catch me….
Catch me if you can….
Instinct
As Humans, we are instinctive creatures.At our core, there are two essential elements-to love and to live.
Our cultural focus is so greatly placed on love, particularly with romance, that we forget to fully live our lives. Especially since the average person doesn’t really get what it means to love. If we understood the full depths of “I love you”, then a lot of things would be right in the world. Divorce wouldn’t be so high, and we would not feel the pressure of defining ourselves by our relationship status.
Yet, we bow to the ideals created in fairy tales and dreams.
Why can’t we embrace the other types of love in our life? The joys of hard work….the beauty of friendships…the assembly of words on a page….so many other things are lost to the White Knight of Happily Ever After.
Look at Romeo and Juliet. They could not live without love, so they did not live at all. Romantic, right? Wrong. They are dead. They wasted the greatest gift in the world and went against the essence of their humanity.
Don’t take me for a Prince-Slayer. I believe it is important to believe in romance and true love. The true love of commitment, sincerity, and vulnerability, that has you staring aimlessly into each others eyes when you are old and grey. Despite the effects of emotional porn we consume everyday, it is a terrible site of a creature who has given up totally on love. A difficult road to stray from. It’s a road I wouldn’t wish my worst enemy to travel.
I simply fear so many are missing out on experiencing all of the beautiful things that are meant for us. Our individual experiences can bring lives together in so many ways. The most beautiful can be romance. Feeding into our instinct to live can place our lives in the position it was meant to be. It can even place our hearts to unexpectedly find the love only a significant other can give.
You’ll will never know until you embrace the driving element of human nature. It doesn’t matter what your relational status is. Go live. We we’re all meant to live for more than mere existence.
BRINK magazine October/November 2011 cover featuring Eliza Torres, winner of BRINK magazine presents vitaminwater zero uncapped
Love the cover of my first big story! Tyra Banks on Modelland and Making Moves, will be a story i never forget!
I welcome the night with confidence. It may be full of uncertainty, but I was made more than what is expected - Austin Grey
Stained Glass Window is now on Facebook!
The things I write about and post on Stained Glass Window deserve more conversations. Deeper conversations. The fan page is a place for the conversation to take place. Post what moves you, what makes you, and especially what helps you to escape.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Stained-Glass-Window/217666284953668
This is going to be a great conversation!
Summerset, is a concept inspired by communities of people truly living life together and investing in one another. Have no idea what I’m talking about? Check out Donald Miller’s book Blue Like Jazz. His house Graceland is the kind of community we were created for.
Even in our escapes, there is ugliness. - Austin Grey
The demons will fall. For valor proves mightier than strife. - Austin Grey
